Posted: July 12th, 2010 | Author: admin | Filed under: Personal, life | 2 Comments »
As I sat on the grass verge at the side of the A46 at the edge of Newark on Trent I thought of the last 12 hours and how it had ended in defeat for me. For those that know me I don't take defeat well especially when I have so much passion for what I am doing. That said, sometimes the simplest decisions are the hardest.
Onwards
At 6.09am on 11th July I set out on my challenge to ride from here in Ilkeston to Skegness and back in 1 day with only myself for company. I left Ilkeston very quietly and began what was to be one if the hardest days of my life. As I started out it felt good, and I mean really good as the pedals spun easily and the pace was quick. Over the last few months I had been training hard to get to where I was by going out most mornings and getting in around 20 miles, then at weekends I did 40 miles. However, the most I had done was last week when I undertook a 90 mile tour of Derbyshire. This was a reality check for me as it really took it out of me and made me aware of how much food and drink I would need to get this done.
After less than an hour I had passed by Nottingham and was well underway averaging around 17mph along the way. This, in itself, was a great pace and well over the expected 15mph I had planned on. Before I knew it I was passing by Bingham and well on my way to Newark. Despite the solitude of this challenge I was still feeling good as I new folks were following the updates via twitter but while the pedals kept spinning so easy the moral was high. After just 2 hours on the road I had passed Newark which meant I was well over 35 miles into my challenge with a total of 179 miles. This meant that I was well over a third of my way towards Skegness. After Newark it got a little more complicated as it meant negotiating some of the back roads and I wasn't familiar with which meant more frequent stops to check the map.
Throughout the journey I had been eating regular and stocking up on energy bars, gel packs both of which taste quite nasty and for the life of me I could not comprehend anyone eating these under any other circumstances. At the 50 mile mark I decided to take a well earned rest of around 15 minutes while I ate some more and restocked the water bottles with the extra water I had in the rucksack. One of the things you don't realise is that you really have to make sure you eat and drink LOTS when running any kind of distance on a bike. On average you will consume over 800 calories per hour and need to replace fluid at around 750ml per hour, this is not an easy thing to do.
Steaming ahead
As I carried on, I was still steaming ahead regularly thundering along at over 20mph which was awesome. At the time I put this down to the fact that the land was flat and I had spent the last few days stocking up on food by eating plenty, as well as continuing to stay fueled up on route. By 10.45am I saw a sign that read 17 mile to Skegness and I was truly amazed by the great time I had made, this m
eant that in 4hrs and 45 mins I had covered 71 miles which was far better than I had ever dreamed. I finally arrived at a rather busy and very hot Skegness at 12.02pm which meant that I had made it in just under 6 hrs, in actual riding time I had done it in 5hrs 6 minutes at an average of around 17.3mph.
There was no 2 ways about it I knew I had travelled 88 miles but I still felt good. However, in all my preparation with regard to food, drink, bike setup, money etc I had forgotten sunscreen.
While I admit, not the best looking legs around, they are bloody burnt to a crisp and today the sun burn hurts far more than the aching from all that cycling. Enough about that on with the story.
After less than 45 minutes of rest and stuffing my face with lots of sandwiches that i brought with me along with more energy bars and drinks it was time to go again. As soon as I started the journey back I realised what had happened on the way there. Without knowing it, I had been pushed along by a tail wind, when I say a tail wind I mean a 12+mph tail wind which had made it so much easier getting there. However, coming back this friendly tail wind became a vicious head wind which was hell bent on sapping every ounce of energy from my body. That combined with the less than aero dynamic rucksack, severe back ache and a very sore butt it was going to make it hard going.
Tough going
After a total of 120 miles I stopped again to buy more water as I knew I would not be seeing anything for the next 20+miles and I needed to make sure that I had enough fluid. At this point the average speed had dropped from 17.3mph down to a mere 15.7mph, for the most part I was only able to get up to 10-11mph which compared to the journey up was not so good. From this point on things started to get much more difficult as I found it hard to focus and concentrate on what I was doing. Throughout the journey out I had carefully tracked my fluid intake to make sure I was drinking regularly every 10-15 minutes. Now I was unable to remember when I last drank any fluid and it became more guess work than anything else which was not good as the temperature was around 26c out, though with the wind it didn't feel that hot.
It was shortly after this that I took a wrong turning which was to cost me over 5 miles of extra travelling and had it not been for my iPhone and Google Maps I would have continued on the wrong route. Before too much longer I was crossing the A15 and back toward Leadenham but I was really hurting now. I was having to stop every 45 minutes to give my bum and back a break as it was really starting to hurt now and I was having to stand on the bike and stretch every 5-10 minutes. I continued on through Leadenham and on toward the A17 heading back into Newark but turning the pedals now felt like running through treacle only it hurt more. Once on the A17 again I had to stop just 20 minutes after my last stop. The pain in my back was immense and mentally I was broken but I continued on despite the heavy traffic on the A17 on account of the Americana that was taking place. After a gruelling 7 miles more I came in towards Newark and I could take no more, I was broken and could not take any more. I sat at the side of the road trying to find some way to continue on the final 35 miles back to Ilkeston but it was 6pm, I was hurting, I was mentally beaten. No matter how I tried to break it down to smaller milestones they just looked to far to travel.
Defeat
I then called Julie to tell her that I could not continue on followed by a call to my Dad to ask for a ride home. So there I was sat at the side of the A46 waiting to be collected feeling thoroughly defeated and while completing 145 miles solo on a bike was no small feat it was not what I set out to do, and I cried. We've all seen programmes where people cross the finish line a cry through all the pent up emotion and personally I used to think 'what a load of b******s' thinking that people just don't do that, but that was exactly how I felt. The whole thing was just so enormous.
What did we learn?
So what did I learn from all of this? First and foremost never underestimate the challenge that you have ahead of you. Preparation is absolutely everything in these situations, a lesson which can carry you through into your professional life and one that I have learned the hard way. In retrospect I should have done more training of longer routes to ensure that I would be better prepared for the distance. Secondly, never underestimate the motivation that you get from working with others. This can be especially helpful when you are finding it the most difficult to push on.
Conclusion
I am still gutted that I did not complete the challenge especially as I was doing this for a very worthy charity. Some of the people I have spoken to have said that they will still donate the money as what was achieved was no small effort and for that I truly am thankful.
Would I do this again? Yes I definitely will, in fact I have already decided I want to go next spring. If anyone is interested in joining me next year then please let me know.
What would I do differently? I would get 1 or more people to come along on the challenge to help keep things motivated. Also, arrange for a "support vehicle" to accompany us on the trip to carry food and water for us. Carrying an extra 3-4kg on my back really did not help things.
Has this dose of reality changed my plans of doing end-to-end? I still want to go from John o Groats to Lands End in 5 days. What this challenge has taught me is that I will need to prepare much more for this challenge but it will be possible. I will also be looking for other people who are crazy enough to try this.
On a last note I would like to say a HUGE thank you for all of the support from everyone both in person and via Twitter. A thank you as always for my Dad coming out to collect me despite him having to miss the World Cup Final. Finally a last, but largest thank you of all for Me-Julie for all of her support before, during and after the challenge. I didn't take defeat too well, Julie has been a massive support for me and has helped me no end. So thank you to everyone.
- Rob
Posted: July 7th, 2010 | Author: admin | Filed under: Personal, insane stuff, life | No Comments »
At the start of this year I decided, in a moment of insanity, that I would set myself a challenge to cycle from home here in Ilkeston to Skegness on the East coast of England and then back again in 1 day. All in this is around 185 miles of cycling which will be between 12-14hours. There was two reasons for this; first was because it was a personal challenge. The second reason was to raise money for a charity which was close to our heart. As some of you will know, our son had certain medical challenges which ended up with him spending the first 3 years of his life in hospital. During this time we got a great deal of support from the hospital team as well as from charities that support people like ‘us’. So it was time to give something back.
So here we are and on Sunday 11th July 2010 I will be making this epic journey and I still looking for sponsors for this moment of madness. Please take a moment to read a little about this below:
To whom it may concern,
Almost 4 years ago my son, Daniel, was born with a defect in his diaphragm which meant that his vital organs were in his chest crushing his heart and lungs. Thanks to pioneering surgery which was performed in London his chances were increased from 10% chance of survival to almost 50%. While these were still tough odd’s in a few short days he will be celebrating his 4th birthday thanks to the hard work of medical professionals. For the first 2 ½ years of his life he was in hospital spending time on a ventilator which allowed him to grow strong. Now that he is home safe and growing stronger and we wanted to do something to help a charity which helps families of children like Daniel, this is Breathe On UK.
I have decided to do a sponsored bike ride from Ilkeston to Ilkeston via Skegness in 1 day, around 185 miles.
I am asking you today if you can spare some money for a very worthy charity who support families when they need it most and who don’t attract the publicity that some of the larger originations do, any contribution would be greatly appreciated.
Why choose Breathe On UK?
Breathe On UK is a national charity dedicated to supporting the families and carers of young people who are life-dependent on mechanical breathing, or long term ventilation (LTV). Such a situation is recognised as being extremely traumatic and emotionally, physically, and financially demanding: often leading to both nervous breakdown and partnership failure.
Recent research and medical estimates indicate that more than 1,000 children in the UK exist with this condition and that the number is increasing by some 15 per cent annually. To date Breathe On UK has:
* Established a respite agreement in collaboration with the Association of Children's Hospices
* Been responsible for a bespoke oxygen delivery mask in conjunction with Respironics (Philips UK) which is now available off the shelf
* Worked together with Contact A Family - Legislation has now been passed to enable The Blue Badge to be given to families of LTV & Technology dependent young children under the age of two years.
* Provided Family liaison support in the South West Helped to re-create the statistics on families and children using tracheotomies
Many thanks
Rob Franklin
At this moment in time I have managed to secure £250 in sponsorship, most notable CompTIA as well as other individuals, and I would love to secure more than this for a very worthy charity. If you can afford to sponsor my pain on this event then I would really appreciate it as it will make the suffering all the more worthwhile 
You can contact me by emailing rob@freethecityone.co.uk
Thank for all the support
- Rob
Posted: June 4th, 2010 | Author: admin | Filed under: Business, Personal Develoment, life | 5 Comments »
Whenever I write anything on this blog I try to write as both the teacher and the pupil, why? The fact is that we are all both teachers and pupils deep down and this is a fundamental feature of humans. We have a deep need to learn things and a natural sense of curiosity. While I like to think that I know a bit about things and I am willing to share it with anyone who is interested that fact remains the I also have a lot to learn still.
There are two things that I really have struggled with over the last year or so and that is Time Management and Procrastination. I have tried all kinds of prescribed methods to help get past this hurdles but sadly to no avail. I have tried reading Getting Things Done by David Allen but I found that to seem very elaborate for me to start in with. That is not to say that it is a fantastic system, which I know it is as good friends have implemented it and it works great for them, but I am just not ready for it. I have also downloaded the AudioBook The Now Habit, which is a great system for overcoming Procrastination and gave me a great insight into the roots of it. Again though it wasn't working for me. To say I was despairing of all of it would be an understatement.
Then I was talking with a friend the other week and he was telling me that he had set himself a target to get any work that he gets in turned around within 24hrs. I thought it was a little brave but then whatever works. As I thought about it more over the next week it just kept ringing in my head and in the end I figured I may as well give it a go. The thing that I liked was that it met what I was trying to achieve with such simplicity that I feel it could get me back on track again.
Does it work? So far yes. Thats not to say that it will continue to work but right now it is and I hear myself saying things like "I'll sort that later" and then think again "why put off what I can do now" and I just get it done.
Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best one's, I love the way that GTD works but at this point in time I just need something simple to get the ball rolling. I'll keep you posted on how it works out.
- Rob
Posted: March 18th, 2010 | Author: admin | Filed under: Personal, Personal Develoment, life | 4 Comments »
This is just a quick post that came to me this morning as I was getting up, "What gets you going?".
I envy people who find it easy to get up early in the morning as this is always something I struggle with, don't get me wrong I always wake by 7.30am which some would consider early but I want to be getting up at 6am as there are things I like to do. Lots of people I know get up at 6am seemingly without any major hassles or struggles but do they? I do manage, for the most part, to get up at 6am as I love to cycle early in the morning before work and some would look and think that this comes natural and easy for me. Let me tell you now I REALLY struggle.
Human nature is to see the negatives, for example;
- But the bed is nice and warm and it's cold out there
- Just 5 more minutes..
- It's raining so I'll cycle tomorrow
- I didn't go to bed until late so I'll get up late
The fact is that getting up early sucks for me but if I want to do the things I want to do I have to find the things that get me going...maybe thats all you need too?
- Rob
Posted: January 31st, 2010 | Author: admin | Filed under: Personal, life | No Comments »
We live in the Internet age. Everyone and anyone is connected to the Internet, some more often than others as it becomes common place for mobile phones connected 24/7. In these changing times it is very easy to forget that, while the Internet is a wondrous place to be, it can also be dangerous...let me explain.
Many years ago while I was working at a local Nottingham ISP I was asked to go on a radio show to discuss the dangers that the Internet presents to the younger generation. Evan all those years ago people were aware of the dangers but they still needed to be reminded of what to watch out for. Now lets roll forward some 8 years to the Facebook, MySpace and MSN generation where you are considered strange if you don't have a Facebook, MySpace or MSN account and to not be on the Internet makes you a 'dork'*.
So is the Internet any safer now that it was back then? No.
What we are seeing more of very passive behaviour on the part of parents and the role that they *must* play in order to keep their kids safe on the Internet. Now that may seem like a harsh statement and I would like to think that most parents are sensible but many aren't. Only today I heard that someone I know has just signed their son up to a free Live email account and then set them up with a Facebook account despite their son being below the age of 13 required by Facebook. Now we all know that there are kids out there below the age and the that is a fact but there are ways that this can be done *safely*, let me give an example.
Firstly if you wish to give your child an email account of any sort then you should setup the computer so that you get a copy of ANY emails that they get. This means that you can ensure that they are not talking to people that they shouldn't be that could bring them to harm. Second, if you are going to set them up with a service like Facebook ensure that you set it up under an email address that is delivered to YOU not to the child. That way if someone wants to add them as a friend then you will get to know about it so that you can make sure that they do REALLY know them and they are not just added them for the 'numbers'. As adults there are a great many people that just anyone as a friend on Facebook as it is a 'numbers game' which is ok as we are mature enough to make that decision, but as a child then this *must* be policed by someone who is responsible. This does not even take into account ensuring that 'safe surfing' is taking place with kids.
The fact that someone in this day and age has setup an account without putting any measures in to place to ensure the child's safety is really bewildering and disturbing to say the least. In our house we have an ADSL router which has built in content filtering to ensure that all of the children are able to surf the Internet safely without exposure to 'unwanted' content. I have also setup OpenDNS to ensure that whatever the filter in the router does not pickup then OpenDNS will get it. The children's computers also run Interguard which allows me to monitor things that they do such as MSN, web mail as well as keystroke logging. This means that I can monitor things that they do without them knowing, not so I can play 'god' over what they do but so that I can be a responsible parent and ensure that they are safe. The last thing is, when old enough, they can go on Facebook but email notifications are sent to me or Jules so that we can make sure that they are not doing anything daft and the kids respect that.
I like to think that our children are quite 'savy' when it comes to computers and the Internet and they are but when they're chatting on MSN they have no idea that the person they are talking to is really who they claim they are...that's my job.
At the end of the day this is just my opinion for what it's worth and as much as I would love it to be, the world is not perfect but you can be damn sure I will do all I can to make my kids worth perfect. As always I welcome you're thoughts on this as opinions always vary.
- Rob
* not sure if the term dork still exists but it did in my day.
Posted: December 28th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Business, Personal, Personal Develoment, Uncategorized, life | 2 Comments »
I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas break and Santa brought you lots of lovely things, this post was originally due to be put up last week but unfortunately the time just didn't appear !
I was speaking with a friend the other day and he was having a bad day. First off in the morning his car wouldn't start as the battery decided to die. Then after a neighbour had managed to get it jump started he then couldn't get out his street because of all of the snow and had to wait until there was some grit down which meant he was late for work. Once at work things didn't get any better one of his companies servers started to have problems which is when we were speaking. He explain how his day had gone and I said to him, "sounds like you've had some fun today". At this he replied "ain't that the truth, still, s**t happens!". This got me thinking.
How many times have we all heard that said? I know I have said it a fair share myself over the years but when you say this what are you really saying to yourself and more importantly what are others hearing? Ok we'll start with what others are hearing as that is sometimes more important in life. At best they find this funny and laugh it off as just something funny, however more often you will be seen as a very negative person, a 'glass half empty kinda guy'. People inherently do not like to be around negative people, they want to surround themselves with positive, happy people that are going to help them to feel positive and happy themselves. After all when you meet with someone and they ask if you are well, they don't want to hear that your back aches from driving 4 hours to see them, or that your tired because you had to get up at 3am to get to the appointment with them on time. They want to hear how great you are and how wonderful life is (though not literally).
So what does it say to yourself? If you are not able to find the positives in any situation then you will always see the negative, obviously. However, the impact on your life can be massive as over a period of time (which could be months or years) it can eventually start to make you feel unhappy with your life and every thing will just seem dour and pointless. It may seem a little extreme but I have been there and after a number of tough years in both work and family I found it hard, real hard with daily life but I still carried on. What changed me was two things. First of is someone who I consider to be a very good friend who over a period of time helped me to see there was two ways to look at everything and what you take from it is a choice and you must choose to take the positive or the negative. The second was when I joined a business networking group, the people there were *very* positive people despite being early morning. What I learned there was while you will make some close friends you can really talk to your must put your best business face on and show everyone there that you are having the best day ever because when you do people naturally gravitate to you.
With that in mind lets take another look at my friends day and see what he could have took from this had he looked at things differently:
"
First off in the morning his car wouldn't start as the battery decided to die. Then after a neighbour had managed to get it jump started" - What can be taken from this? Ok first off the car would not start which is a real pain for
anyone who has had it happen. That said a good neighbour came over and helped him get it 'jump started' which took a LOT less time than waiting for a break down truck to come. So he has good neighbours to be thankful for.
"....he then couldn't get out his street because of all of the snow and had to wait until there was some grit down which meant he was late for work." - So he couldn't get out of the street straight away because of the snow, after all we did have some last week. However, the positive here is that it turns out that once again one of his neighbours had some grit and went out and spread it the length of the road so all the neighbours could get out.
"Once at work things didn't get any better one of his companies servers started to have problems which is when we were speaking." - Here again is another positive. Ok on of the servers is down and clearly he was out of his depth, but what he did was called me and we located the problem, resolve it and had the server up and running in less than an hour.
So next time you're having a tough day, always, always find the positives in whatever happens because it is always there. It's all too easy to focus on what it negative in the world but it takes true spirit to find the positives.
I wish you all the greatest success for the New Year, hope you all have a great one!!
- Rob
Posted: November 16th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Business, Personal, life | No Comments »
I wrote last week about the importance of checklists for all aspects of your business. Expanding on that I learned a valuable lesson at the weekend in the most unlikely of places, in a hospital. Our youngest son has had some medical challenges which started before he was born, he was given a 1 in 10 chance of survival when it was first diagnosed. However, he didn't let it hold him back and battled on growing stronger each day. By the time he was finally discharged from hospital he had been an inpatient for almost 3 years, but he is unique. This means that he has to be managed much differently to any children with 'similar' ailments so much so that his consultant has made oxygenation plans, care plans, flow charts for his care etc. Last night we had to take Danny in to children's A+E as he had a bad chest infection. When we got there we explained the situation to the nurse and then again to the doctor. I explained that his oxygenation plan states that unless he is in 3lts of oxygen he should not be admitted. We also explained that there are certain procedures as to how Daniel is dealt with in most situations and he should consult the PICU unit to get more information.
To cut a long storey short the two key things happened that sealed our fate to 6.5hrs in A+E and a lot of stress and arguments. The first thing was that the doctor did not contact the people we had clearly told him to speak with to get more information. Instead he just rang the on-call person which mean that the wrong information again was fed back. The second was that the carefully written procedures for handling Daniel and the care & oxygenation plans were not made accessible to all people that may be in contact with him. This mean that he was given all of the wrong treatment.
So what has this to do with my IT life? Simple. The first lesson is when you are dealing with a client, new or existing, the most important thing to do is LISTEN. Let them talk, make notes and ask questions. This simple step alone can save you hours in wasted time and if the client is on a flat-fee contract this means money saved. Second lesson is as you begin to create business processes, checklist and procedures to run your business smoother make sure that everyone that needs to know they are there..know. After all you could have the best product/service on the planet but shouting about it in the middle of a dessert is not gonna do a great deal of good is it.
So to summarise; Stop, Listen then Talk....in that order then you can't go far wrong.
Any thoughts? I'd love to hear them.
- Rob
Posted: May 13th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Business, IT Support, life, small business | Tags: Business, IT Support, life | No Comments »
Over the years I have seen a great many IT engineers come and go, after all 16 years is a long time in the trade. During that time I have also taught a number of engineers the best ways to do the job, many of which had no formal qualifications such as MCP, MCSE etc. The first lesson that I have always made a point of teaching is to listen; listen to the client. Whenever you go out on a service call you will be given a description of the issue that you are there to resolve. In my opinion, the golden rule is to sit down with the client and ask them to explain the problem and listen. There are two reasons why I always do this; firstly the information that you have been given on your job sheet will be what the help desk interpreted from the client but may not be accurate so best to check. Secondly, you will allow the client to vent themselves to you and during the discussion you can usually connect with them on some level which will invariably given you a better insight to both the issue faced and the client personally. I have always felt that this was standard, common sense in all businesses. However, those of you that follow me on twitter (@robfranklin) will have seen the experience that I had with Dell's tech support on Friday which left me feeling somewhat frustrated. Here is how the conversation went:
Me: "Hi there, I have a problem with BackupExec for Small Business Server that was supplied with these new servers for my client".
Dell: "What is the problem?"
Me: "When I enter the license key it says that it is invalid. It accepts the "Premium" license key but it will not accept the SBS key"
Extended period of silence...now 15 minutes in to the call and not progressed
Dell: "What license number do you have?"
Me: "The license key is..."
Dell: "That's a serial number"
Me: "It says license key?"
Dell: "No that's the serial number"
Me: "But it says on the front cover that it is the "Software License Key" and inside, just above the key, it says "Software License Key". Surely it would say serial number if that is what it is?"
Dell: "No that's the serial number, you need to go to the Symantec licensing portal and register the serial number"
Me: "But I have done dozens of these and I have always just entered the key into the software"
Dell: "They have tightened up the licensing recently"
Me: "Hmm, ok where do I go to register the 'serial number'?"
So now we go to the Symantec licensing portal, I complete the registration in order to log on to the site. After entering the 'serial number' it says that the 'serial number' is invalid.
Me: "It says the number is invalid"
Dell: "Are you sure it is entered correctly?"
Me: "Yes I'm sure but it does not say it is a serial number it clearly says it's a license key"
Dell: "Ok I need to speak with Symantec, can you hold"?"
Me: "Err yeah ok"
So I was put on hold, 35 minutes in to the call and I had made no progress. Needless to say I did not stay on hold as by this point I was completely frustrated by the fact that the support technician was simply not listening. The conversation above it not verbatim but I must have explained to this guy about 10 times that it clearly states it is a License Key and not a Serial Number but he was not listening.
The most important skill that any person who is in a customer facing role can do is just listen. By not exercising this most fundamental skill during this call my whole experience with Dell's "Pro-support" was completely destroyed and had this been my first experience then I would be one very unhappy client and would think twice about buying Dell again. That said only a week before I had spoken to them and the support tech I spoke to I cannot say enough about. He listened and acted on what I was telling while verifying what I was saying was correct.
I can only assume that my bad experience was a one-off but none the less it was a bad experience. So if nothing else, don't talk just listen and everything else will take shape.
Posted: April 4th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Personal, life | No Comments »
Funny statement to make but it is all too valid, the reality is that without the past we cannot develop or grow. Today has been a funny kind of day really. With the onset of the nice weather the shed beckoned to be sorted out and as much as I didn't really want to do it I needed to so that is what I did. We moved in our house about 7 years ago and when we moved in there was some stuff that still needed sorting, as it always does, that was never sorted and it ended up in the shed. This was the day when it was going to be sorted out once and for all as I needed the space back that was being occupied by this stuff that had not been looked at in over 7 years. The first job was to empty all of the day to day stuff, such as the kids bikes, scooters, mowers, tools etc until I got to the old boxes that were hiding at the back. I knew, for the most part, that almost all of it would end up in the bin as I was working on the basis that I had not looked at it in about 7 years but I needed to go through anyway just to be sure. What I didn't expect to find in the shed was "regret".
As I was sorting through all of the old stuff I found some letters, and at first I thought they were from an "ex" so thought I had better make a hasty disposal. However, I checked them first and that was not the case. When I was about 13 years old I joined a cycling club as I loved cycling, something which I was good at and won a number of trophies for. When I joined most of the people there were "old", at 13 everyone over 22 was considered old. But there were some younger people there, older than me but only by a couple of years which meant that I was at least able to relate to them as I had always tended to hang out with people a little older than me. There was a couple of lads and a girl, Ali, but they all welcomed me in which for a young and timid lad was great. Over the next couple of years we all became good friends with regular "club runs" at a weekend taking us cycling into the Derbyshire Dales as well as cycling weekends which took us as far as Ladybower Reservoir. Now at that age it was like travelling to the other end of the planet. As you can imagine we all became kindred spirits as we became a group within a group because of the age gap. We all drifted away from cycling in the end as we got older, this would be around 1991 as I started working on the nights that the club met. However, I never lost touch with Ali, as she was that little older than me she went on to college in Lincoln at Riseholm Hall studying 'arboriculture' which is Tree Surgery. I went up to see her there a couple of times which was great as a young kid like me, only 16 at the time, never really got out that much. She then moved on from there and got a job in a youth hostel up in Yorkshire and again I went to visit this time on the motorbike I had at the time, again a long trip for me at the time though now I wouldn't think twice. Not too long after this she went off to University in Aberdeen as this was one of a few uni's that ran the course she wanted to study. This is where the past catches the present as what I found in the shed was the letters that she used to send to me when she was there. Now just to clarify; we were just friends and I mean really good friends which makes it all the more disappointing that I had not really thought about this properly until today. It was the kind of friendship that normally does not exist between a boy and girl without some kind of sexual tension but it just wasn't the case as we were great friends. I did once ask her out but she said no as we were such great friends that it would be wrong, at the time I struggled to understand but now I see it with such clarity.
So what's the point of this I hear you thinking? Well the point is that after she went up to Aberdeen Uni we just drifted apart and despite letters passing I could have tried harder to keep contact with her, my friend, but as a 19 year old I was busy working and not seeing what was really important in life.
Now we have regret, something which I do not really partake in as it is a flawed emotion, as far as I'm concerned, due to the fact that things cannot change just because you realise that you f***ed up. But on this occasion I do regret not doing more and I wonder what happened to her. Whether she completed the arboriculture course which would have qualified her to cut back trees that were overhanging busy roads. Whether she got married, had kids or all the other things that we do when we "grow" up. So how do you deal with regret? What is the value of such a flawed emotion in the modern world if nothing can be achieved as the past is the past? Well the first thing that you can get from it is to learn. When I say learn I mean you learn from the mistakes you made, and lets face it they are mistakes that's why you feel regret. You make damn sure that it doesn't happen again. The second thing that you can do is to try and put things right, if possible. What I mean by this is that in my case I can try to track down Ali, I don't know how yet but I will try, as I said before this is not some "old flame" but a true friend and for that reason I owe it to myself, and to her, to try and see if there is some way to reach out and just say "hi, how's it going? has life been kind...". There are no perfect people in this world only perfect intensions, I am certainly not perfect but I am always looking for ways to get a little closer even if I know I'll never get there I can still try.
So the thought of the day is to embrace all emotions as they all hold some benefit to your life even if it is not always clear some part of you can develop because of it. For now though I will try to find my old friend just so I can say "Hi".
- Rob
Posted: March 10th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Personal, insane stuff, life | No Comments »
You may remember a film called Pay it forward in which a young boy was given an assignment by his teacher to think of something that would change the world and put it into action. The boy came up with the idea to "pay it forward", the idea was simple in that he would do a good deeds to three people on the proviso that they would "pay it forward" to three other people and so on. The films tracks back from a reporter who was a benefactor of one of these good deeds back to the child that created it.
This film, while I only half watched it first time round, has left a very lasting memory for myself. The reason for this is that the concept is so simple, so powerful and more importantly it is completely against what seems to have become normal behaviour in society today. There are still a massive majority of businesses and individuals that will not do anything unless they know what's in it for them, they only give to receive. A couple of weeks ago I had a call at the office from a guy that was looking for a job. He told me that he had been made redundant from his current job and was looking for work. He asked if we had any positions, I explained that there was nothing at present but I asked him to send his CV through and I would forward it on to some of the other IT partners that I work with. I said thank you for doing it and almost off the cuff said "if only other companies were so helpful" then hung up. The amount of gratitude from this guy was enough, there was no promises made as I didn't know what others had to offer and in reality there really was much effort (2 minutes) involved in forwarding this to some of our partners. It was just a very simple act that absolutely any one of the companies he had spoke to previously could have done without any real effort but it was clear that none had.
So do something special today, tomorrow, everyday or whenever the opportunity comes available. Do something for somebody without asking "what's in it for me" or expecting something in return.
If you have any thoughts then I'd love to hear them.
- Rob